Shopping List
by nakaleteme
Summary: Ianto goes grocery shopping and is surprised by a few of the items on Jack's list. Jack/Ianto


Title: Shopping List  
Author: nakaleteme  
Pairing: Janto (Jack/Ianto)  
Rating: PG13 for implications and some content  
Word Count: 1,100  
Summary: Ianto goes grocery shopping and is surprised by a few of the items on Jack's list.

Authors Notes: May 2nd was International Scurvy Awareness Day, so my best friend and I decided to write a lime and/or lemon to celebrate. This is my pitiful piece. It's a little late because SATs were yesterday, so I wasn't allowed online Friday night. Finished last minute, so it hasn't been edited and may contain stupid mistakes. Enjoy the fruit of my sleep-deprived mind! (Haha. Fruit. Limes.)

--

A fit Welshman in a black suit walked into a Tesco on a Saturday night, the sliding glass doors hissing shut behind him as he stopped and looked down at a list clutched in his hand. Loopy, barely decipherable handwriting covered the paper as if a child had written it instead of an immortal with an American accent. Ianto sighed, stuffing the paper back into his pocket and setting off to find the things Jack had asked him to get. He picked up a basket and walked down the first aisle, picking out a new blend of coffee to try the next morning. After that, he got milk, sugar, and other coffee makings, adding them to the basket. He pulled out the list, checking off the items he already had and looking lower on the list to see what else he had to get.

_Apples_. He walked over to the produce section and picked out a variety to replace the diminished selection in the bowl on Jack's desk.

_Grapes_. Someone must be in the hospital. Again. Good thing he hadn't left the produce section.

_Shaving cream_. The captain was obsessed with smooth skin, but Ianto didn't mind it one bit. He himself wasn't a big fan of stubble. He picked up a couple of cans, one for himself and one for his Captain.

_Steaks_. He rolled his eyes as he went to the butcher to pick up ten pounds of raw beef for Janet and Myfanwy.

_Whipped cream_. Ianto took a second look at the list to make sure he had read the words correctly. He had no idea what Jack needed whipped cream for, but he picked it up in the frozen food aisle next to the ice cream.

_Chocolate sauce_. Was Jack planning to open an ice cream parlor? The Welshman shook his head as he dropped a bottle of the stuff into his basket and took another look at the shopping list.

_Condoms_. Ianto blushed brightly, stuffing the list away as he walked back down the hygiene aisle. As he looked for the large brand that Jack liked, he realized what the whipped cream and chocolate were for. Shaking slightly, he took out the list to read the last item.

_Large bottle of warming massage oil and personal lubricant_. He almost choked as he realized what the handwriting said. He looked up and down the aisle, making sure no one was looking as he picked up a large red bottle and buried it in the basket under the apples and grapes.

Ianto took a deep breath and walked calmly up to the counter, feeling as if everyone in the store was looking at him. Not that many people were in the small Tesco this late at night. He set the basket down in front of the check out clerk, trying his hardest to look serious. He had a feeling that his crisply pressed suit might help. Maybe the gun-shaped bulge in his right pocket as well.

"Find everything alright tonight, sir?" the young clerk asked, her tired expression alluding to the time of night.

"Yes, thanks." Ianto forced a polite smile, earning a small one in return as the girl pulled things out of the basket one by one and ran them across the scanner.

Ianto began to lose his calm once she got to the whipped cream. He blushed lightly, keeping his head down to try and hide his reddened cheeks. As she got deeper and deeper into the basket, the Welshman's cheeks grew rosier and rosier. When she picked up the condoms, the clerk looked up at him with a raised brow.

"Large, huh?"

"T-They're not for me," Ianto stuttered stupidly before realizing the implications of the simple sentence.

"S'alright, mate," she replied, shrugging and sliding the box into the pile of checked items. "What others do in their own time is none of my business."

Ianto felt like he was going to melt from the heat of his own blush as she tried and failed to scan the personal lubricant several times. Finally the scanner beeped in recognition and she placed the bottle next to the condoms.

"Paper or plast-"

"Paper!" he interrupted, sure that he would die of a heart attack if he was seen walking down the street with translucent plastic bags, the embarrassing contents on display for the world to see.

The clerk just nodded and chuckled, packing all of the meat into one bag and everything else into a second. Ianto paid cash, just in case someone tried to track his credit card. Torchwood could really make a person paranoid. Shivering slightly with the anxiety of the whole experience, he dashed out of the Tesco and into the night, the girl waving after his dark figure and laughing to herself in the deserted store.

--

"Here are your groceries."

Jack looked up from the artefact he was studying as Ianto dropped two large paper bags down on his desk. He took a quick peek inside, grinning his broad smile.

"Too embarrassed to ask for plastic?" he asked, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

Ianto scoffed. "Do you think you could have done your own personal shopping? You obviously don't care who looks at you which way?"

"Aw, you're killing me, Yan," the captain replied, his happy expression melting into a childish pout. "You're the one who begged to be the butler." His lips pulled into a winning smile. "Besides, aren't you proud to be shagging a beauty like me?"

"I'll see you in the morning, Sir," Ianto replied, emphasizing the honorific as he turned and made his way out the door and down into the central Hub to pick up the day's rubbish.

Jack just smiled to himself, sitting up straighter in his chair and pulling the paper bags closer. The heavier had the distinct smell of beef, so he figured it held nothing of interest and set it aside. The second, light bag he slid off the desk and into his lap. On top of the various items lay his list, wrinkled from countless crumplings. Red ink at the bottom caught Jack's attention, the handwriting distinctly more legible than his own.

_Handcuffs from the armory. I'll be back at 11:30._

Smirking, the captain looked out on the central Hub to see Ianto saying his goodnights to the rest of the team. As he looked up at Jack in his office, the Welshman blushed lightly and gave a small wave, disappearing out of the cog door a moment later. Jack leaned back in his chair, putting his feet up on the desk and laced his fingers behind his head.

"Thank God for butlers."


End file.
